How I Learned to Support My Soccer Player Without Adding Pressure

By: Kellie Bocanegra

As a soccer parent, I’ve felt the highs and lows that come with watching my kid play this game. The excitement before kickoff, the heartbreak after a tough loss, and the constant question — am I helping or making it harder?

Over the years, I’ve learned that being a supportive soccer parent isn’t about having all the right words — it’s about learning how to manage our own emotions so our kids can manage theirs. That’s something I wish I understood earlier.

What I’ve Learned Through Experience

1️⃣ Watching Your Kid Struggle Hurts - But It's Necessary

It’s hard not to step in when your kid feels discouraged or defeated. I used to think my job was to fix it — now I know it’s to listen, empathize, and help them learn from it. Growth happens in those moments, even when it’s uncomfortable for both of us.

2️⃣ Playing Time and Roles Can Test Your Patience

Every parent wants to see their kid on the field. But when the minutes aren’t there, it’s easy to let frustration take over. I’ve realized my reaction teaches my kid more than the situation itself — if I stay calm and trust the process, they do too.

3️⃣ Sideline Stress Is Real

I’ve caught myself coaching from the sideline, shaking my head after mistakes, or replaying moments in the car ride home. Those reactions came from love — but also from pressure. Learning to take a breath and stay composed helps me support my kid instead of adding more tension.

4️⃣ The Parent–Coach Relationship Matters More Than I Knew

There were times I disagreed with decisions, and my instinct was to speak up. But over time, I saw how alignment between parents and coaches creates stability for kids. When we trust the people guiding them, it frees our kids to focus on their game and growth.

Mental Health Tip for November

🧠 When your emotions rise after a mistake or tough game, pause and name what you’re feeling before reacting.
Saying to yourself, “I’m just frustrated right now,” helps you regain control — and that awareness is the first step to responding with patience and perspective.

If you’ve ever left a game frustrated, said something you wished you hadn’t, or felt helpless watching your kid lose confidence — you’re not alone.

At Soccer Resilience, we’ve been in your shoes — and we’re here to walk beside you as you support your player’s growth both on and off the field.

👉 Explore the Parent Foundations Course to start building confidence, calm, and connection today.